An Untitled Feeling

Me: ……Why am I so?

Voice: Maybe because you want it to be so…

Me: …….Why am I so alone? I need someone.

Voice: Are you going to do this every time?

I don’t care! I miss someone. Quite truly I don’t even know who I miss now. Is it that girl who wrecked me? Is it my first ever crush? Is it the one who rejected me last Wednesday? Or is it just the thought of other people having someone really special while I don’t.

Honestly I don’t know.

Trust me. I do want to know. I want to know what it feels like to feel that poison on purpose. No more can I handle the sudden pain that I myself call out from beneath the depths.

It’s a paradoxical bliss. A hypothetical malice created through years of inner suffering. I’ll tell you what this is. It’s a truth that dwells inside us no matter where we are, a somewhat drunk confession. We are alone and crumpled up. We have been pushed back into a corner and are still looking from corner to corner for that light. We will keep on doing that until we find the right path.

Love is so utterly tempting that even your neighbor’s love for her before anyone else makes you writhe with envy. Factual is this that a poor soul cannot survive without an ounce of emotional attention. Honestly the self of the confused mind really seems to preoccupy itself in ways that leaves the other parts completely bored.

I wish I had a better way to explain how much there are just parts of us which just want someone to accept us. Not attention but proper care.

Sometimes I wonder:

              Should I change?

    Or should I just wait, there will come an answer someday?

Anyways perhaps I think too much. Or I just feel much more. Well we all do and that’s the bloody excuse.
The fact is at one point we all just need someone to be there for us. You cannot exactly explain that relationship you suddenly want for times like those but it exists and it does matter. It has a name which cannot be explained, all I know that it’s not the mother I am talking about. It’s a person you need for just those moments in your life. If you have someone for all, he/she covers them too but if you don’t you sometimes just feel the need for a carer during those moments that break you and leave you wounded.

No matter where you are in life, that feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s just you cannot look for someone during that time. That’s somewhat of a problem but then also if you want that person to be a special someone. Happens when laying eyes on someone new. Sometimes even when you try to re-look at those of old. Their smiles and cheerful words suddenly show you something else.

The fights involved in the mutual understanding of this contradicting paradox. It kills but it somehow teaches more in return.

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 Love is Simply Complicated

 

Our world is filled with complications from so many angles. We just don’t know what to do with the situation. One such complication is the concept of love.

Okay so here it comes, the brilliant situation formed by the imagination when there is a temptation giving rise to certain motivation. However sometimes there’s a degradation in the heart’s condition because of the unrequited infatuation giving rise to depression.

That, my friends is love in a matter of words. However the fact is it obviously doesn’t end there.

love2

Quite frankly the words themselves strike either an “Awwww” or a “I’m really sorry but we’re just friends” depending on whether you’re that girl or not. I mean if she’s thinking that he’s not thinking of her, she feels it safe to go “Awww sooo sweet!”

It’s either that or if she feels the same, and has been hiding it so perfectly. Like you won’t believe how much she deserves a Golden Globe right now.

Well when that happens, my friend please don’t forget to treat everyone as well as the girl too (later when you’re both alone) to some pizza and cupcakes cause you just won something great, love of the person you care the most about.

It’s like whatever it is you did, whether it was the most romantic proposal ever for example let’s say you decided to sing her favourite song on her birthday and then unravel a cake which says those three words. Either that or let’s say you’ve gone extreme and proved to her how much she means to you. No matter how dreadfully painful that might have been to whichever parts of your body. Basically the hospital is happy.

 

Wasn’t that just the sweetest thing you ever heard?

Like butterflies in spring with fresh air touching your skin right?

Well romance is just that, a whole endless bottleful of words and gestures which converges the lives of two people and gives the others around them a classic case of diabetes.

The way he says it and the way she reacts gives that feeling, that feeling that there is so much passion, so much closeness and so much intimacy that they were “meant for each other”.

breakup

Yup! Breakup. A bloody breakup. Just when you thought it was really getting good and was gonna keep on going and will keep bringing more and more sweetness. It was going to bear great fruit…..literally. Bring more interesting adventures for them and they’d learn more together. You were just about to lock them in a room and lock the key and then throw the key into the sea when suddenly said “No need bruh”.

Then as both of them are “moving on”, one of them meets someone else after let’s say two months or two weeks if he/she has speed racer quality pitching skills.

Then the situation happens all over again. The beautiful situation based on similar imagination. Birds are singing.

Then it ends and I look up and am like “Why? Why? What do you have against my dreams man?”

Given time it happens again and you realize that there’s no end and that there’s really nothing called “true love”. It’s just present satisfaction and based on present individualities. People change along with their thought processes.

That idiot who was complimenting Jane’s lovely eyes and soft lips is doing the same with Jennifer’s. It doesn’t stay cent percent original as it’s a bit different now.

You can’t blame anyone or anything cause well everyone does it. Love isn’t everlasting anymore and hence “true” as you don’t have that “one special person” necessarily. I mean now life gives you special offer and sometimes gives you five. For those extraordinary people life gives somewhere between nineteen and twenty seven.

Love has become vastly momentary and basically complex for my understanding. However the concept of this is very simple.

Hence love is simply complicated.