He surrendered to the cause.
As he lay awake, smouldering. Shouldered by indefinite discourse. Pillage by the pain. Savaged by utter melody of the one voice. The voice that should make me search for peace. Instead I wait. I wait for the never ending paradigm to shift the focus of time.
Time, the mischievous little fairytale founder that began the end of longing. Crossed itself by as I lay to waste in her eyes. As I dwelled in silence between her words. And waited for a kiss back.
As she stood a step in the distance
I was a lifetime apart but yet so close
A satisfaction towards the corner of her smile
Merry times led to a withering flower
With petals that curled in over it’s beautiful veins of insecurity
Watching loudly, controlling the fear on her reins in obscurity
Cast away in dimensions, treading on varied simplicity
A tear flowed in silence, the smile blew away a thousand hearts
The red lineage of her bitter monuments, I stared into her servitude
A mellow piece of my ecstasy beneath the west wind raindrops
The veins cried out a whisper that reached deep within my malt-ish vine
Scurried into my Neverland she bit through a thousand pasts
The touch she pushed inside worrying inches of my light heartbeats
Swollen and sorry as I looked past her colorful cries
Heaped and dark, rash and definitely not mine to wonder
I got up as I swam past her Spaniards, reached the dusked up destination
I took a roundabout across memories of sadness, a left took me to another zone
Lost I got as I slipped into a trance, her embrace made me feel at home
Slim was her sensibility, sweetly swollen was her hair
Messed in senses, a Evangeline structure ripped bare
The crimson serenity stripped to no amends
Her fair complexion bewitched past a thousand stares
Courageous yet cautious I entered into the solemn seduction
A raw merriment so pure, the crisps of the sides prismed sore
Queried past self-psychosis, as she continued her invasion
Days passed by in an universe that intersected in collision
I felt her scent as I outran her inner melancholy
I carried fast while I pictured her bliss, insinuatingly jolly
In dominance I played to a river of her solitude
I confessed upon her inner angel, she broke fortitude
I looked into the soul of her inner, mesmerizing
I crept into her consciousness twice, thrice surprising
As she rejected all through her frequent rants
She self-seduced seduction in loud whispers
When she cried inside her inner sanctum
My hidden essence could hear her weep
With numerous bare heavens, she hid the burnt doorways
Clenching her body with certain joy, my thoughts felt like sto-waways
Writhing in a beckoning so high I took her close
Her slender arms and legs left me comatose
As I called to her shadows, the soft skin so brown and bright
I risked all and dipped into her, holding her insecurities very tight
A relationship set back in time, in a parallel existence
Wondering within waters of memory, a kiss that put the lights out
She dispelled into pestilence, scared me with masterful mania
Hid through every hasty handful, she played through the emotional field
Struck with darkened interference, I was licked by a foolish intolerance
I caressed her dry, treading into a torrid feeling which got to my sense
As I walked away from her brown eyes, I rode into a different sunset
Dressed her in silence, every time coming back to where we first met
As she faded away in non-existence
A hug came to me in fantasy
Few sparkles of ceremonious giggles
Lighting up chrysanthemum in a little glass
“You are among my cluster of thoughts”
In a garden of metered maleficence
A true embodiment of gifted lilac
Entrusted by the heart on it’s bloom
Impertinent and immoral, wasted by cruelty sweet
I took a quick glance before the eyes would meet
Proudly I dared look into her compressed mirror
Colors bounced between convex edges
Artful than the impression that Gogh did forget
Menacingly beautiful as she took the turn
A celibacy of uncountable dark attractions at that
A pact of resentful urgencies that cluelessly burn
Puppet intentions, I took a peel of what I could take
The soft edges of mysticism exchanged by a shake
As she curled into his pages, stinging with her straight hair so folly
Her eyes showed the way towards Eden, spreading enamour so jolly
“I love her like anything”, greeneries of thought
A penitent displeasure in the breath
It’s solemnly not a vague plethora
Of any melancholia given to perfection
Strings of euphony lusted in ceremony
Laughter of agony kissed through obscurity
He knew she violated second to none
The edged mistress etched into crimson
The shining black eyes of a liason
With a look that left all red in sensation
The stranger gave another smile
As she ravaged the heart of no return
Skillfully her slender nature took position
Moulding in between while she caressed away
She moved her penchant eyes and searched territory
A discovery properly dressed to be found
The lush hair that left you in dementia
Maroon-ed me ebony, circumstances stood still
Her inner skin touched till fury emerged pointless
Sin brightly crept from behind, curves on their faces
Cloaked in delight, aroused by the stir of salvation
Scared past her ambiguity, cursed by self-domination
As her dark effervescence brightened the path
The solemn moments took it’s first wrath
Supple merriment that passed completely bathed
As he moved through her neck, the sweet shrieks left him unscathed
The innocence that penetrated into the depths of cynicism
The satanic thirst of the angel so pure in contradiction
Descant followed her light feet, each step into melancholia
The lilac jested it’s fragrance, stamped me with her insignia
I continued to tread through a dreadful mist of lies but suddenly I took a left turn and saw the truth before me. Surprisingly the truth was just that whenever I keep telling myself the same lie, it decides to show itself to me after an odd number of times. The lie was that I only thought of her in that way because she was the girl everyone want. The Prized One or the best possible thing that makes you class material if you get her. It’s good to lie to yourself, but it’s bad when you can’t shake the fact that it’s a lie when you’re saying it. The fact that I adore her and it’s actually not a crush but something way above in the food chain is questionable when you cannot fathom how or why it escalated so quickly.
Facing the fact, I wanted to speak but normally it’s hard enough truthfully, now I had to find the courage to move up and reason with it. Cutting on the metaphors, I’ll tell you that if there was any other moment which had been so educational, it would still be right after this one. This meeting was the silent pass by but the fact is the silence delivered quite an intensive speech.
She walked through the crowd while moving her hair with one hand and holding her phone in the other. It was a reminder that the situation didn’t look to have aged at all. Her eyes as beautiful as they were oblivious to my presence. She didn’t seemed to have aged at all, rather looked to have become younger. In a few seconds I became from aimless to analytical and that hurts.
How easy it was just crossing paths without even letting them collide is what you realize. However meanwhile everything isn’t looking so great on the inside. There is worry, anxiety and fear regarding what the person should do. Should he walk up and face his fear? What measures should he take? What is the bloody plan?
I wish I could say everybody’s right and I should perhaps either face her or face it. Well thing is I am moving on but cannot be rid of her. I have reached the new level where I have perhaps escaped her but she hasn’t yet escaped my mind. She keeps coming back, my mind keeps bringing her back at times. Well for one thing the constant wishes got me to see her live again however that birdwatching session showed me something new. The same thing but through the eyes of sensibility did I see it.
Now with that I am one step closer to ridding myself off self-torture. I would be lying if I say I didn’t feel like the world is stealing her away from me now that we don’t exist to each other, well at least me to her but then what can you do right? Everyone has to move on and it was now my turn to seriously do that, however at the same time I’ll keep some hope for the next nine years.
Unless you’re messing up while saying it, you’re not in love. You can’t not be when butterflies are fluttering inside you.
Change is inevitable people say. I don’t know about being inevitable or not but all I know is that it is damn important. However some things don’t change, namely habits. Some habits, like not remembering to clip your toenails or do one’s bed only seem like they are here to stay but they actually do change at some point. There are however some that just don’t no matter how you try such as being good or better yet, kind hearted. Kindness is a very attracting quality and a kind hearted person is usually a person whose drive runs on simplicity. However if you take reality into account, it is also the reverse. Why would someone who takes another person’s interests into account before himself get back something completely opposite? Well that too was my question. Perhaps it’s a lesson that kindness should vary or maybe he needs to stop or just maybe it’s the world telling him he doesn’t know how to exactly be kind. Being kind sometimes seems to almost have written policies when it comes to it’s dealings. Saying that being kind is a curse is actually true because a person cannot ever fully stop being kind. Kindness does not just go away completely, it just goes and sleeps somewhere deep inside. Though perhaps I wish it were one of those habits which could be changed completely. Kindness has a recoil more painful than that of cruelty.
Love is therefore a state that is an ultimate bummer. Once we get into that state we don’t want to take the change at any cost. The heart is a child and it’s needs are always like those of a five year old. The straightforward demand isn’t thought well through, especially when it wants something positive.
True selflessness doesn’t make one a saint, it’s just saying that person wasn’t meant to put himself first. However that doesn’t mean he isn’t putting his thoughts first, or else what would you say is driving all that selflessness? Seeing someone else happy makes him happy, there’s no such thing as a truly selfless person. Even when you’re doing those cute kind acts behind her back, to some extent you really want her to someday find out or else there’s dramatic reaction. Sometimes it takes more than just noticing her every wish while other times it needs a few repetitions of one particular thing.
Out of habit there still isn’t one you could say. The craving for selflessly loving someone or seeing him/her always happy really kills. Almost like a drug. So addictive that no matter what no matter how much it pains, the care, the love doesn’t falter.
I wish the complexity would leave. Then maybe some of the pain, and confusion would go away but it’s developed that habit. Trying to hide isn’t working if nothing else. Being so kind is a gift which doesn’t give much to the self. No matter how you define kindness you got to get something positive back or the vortex will suck you in and keep you there until that person pulls you out.
Sometimes us kind people just want to be butterflies and flutter away and do whatever we want on our own and for only ourselves but we’re in a weird cocoon unable to grow out of it.