The Lone Star Statuette

 

As she stood a step in the distance

I was a lifetime apart but yet so close

A satisfaction towards the corner of her smile

Merry times led to a withering flower

With petals that curled in over it’s beautiful veins of insecurity

Watching loudly, controlling the fear on her reins in obscurity

Cast away in dimensions, treading on varied simplicity

A tear flowed in silence, the smile blew away a thousand hearts

The red lineage of her bitter monuments, I stared into her servitude

A mellow piece of my ecstasy beneath the west wind raindrops

The veins cried out a whisper that reached deep within my malt-ish vine

Scurried into my Neverland she bit through a thousand pasts

The touch she pushed inside worrying inches of my light heartbeats

Swollen and sorry as I looked past her colorful cries

Heaped and dark, rash and definitely not mine to wonder

I got up as I swam past her Spaniards, reached the dusked up destination

I took a roundabout across memories of sadness, a left took me to another zone

Lost I got as I slipped into a trance, her embrace made me feel at home

 

Slim was her sensibility, sweetly swollen was her hair

Messed in senses, a Evangeline structure ripped bare

The crimson serenity stripped to no amends

Her fair complexion bewitched past a thousand stares

Courageous yet cautious I entered into the solemn seduction

A raw merriment so pure, the crisps of the sides prismed sore

Queried past self-psychosis, as she continued her invasion

Days passed by in an universe that intersected in collision

I felt her scent as I outran her inner melancholy

I carried fast while I pictured her bliss, insinuatingly jolly

In dominance I played to a river of her solitude

I confessed upon her inner angel, she broke fortitude

 

I looked into the soul of her inner, mesmerizing

I crept into her consciousness twice, thrice surprising

As she rejected all through her frequent rants

She self-seduced seduction in loud whispers

When she cried inside her inner sanctum

My hidden essence could hear her weep

With numerous bare heavens, she hid the burnt doorways

Clenching her body with certain joy, my thoughts felt like sto-waways

Writhing in a beckoning so high I took her close

Her slender arms and legs left me comatose

As I called to her shadows, the soft skin so brown and bright

I risked all and dipped into her, holding her insecurities very tight

A relationship set back in time, in a parallel existence

Wondering within waters of memory, a kiss that put the lights out

She dispelled into pestilence, scared me with masterful mania

Hid through every hasty handful, she played through the emotional field

Struck with darkened interference, I was licked by a foolish intolerance

I caressed her dry, treading into a torrid feeling which got to my sense

As I walked away from her brown eyes, I rode into a different sunset

Dressed her in silence, every time coming back to where we first met

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Untitled Feeling

Me: ……Why am I so?

Voice: Maybe because you want it to be so…

Me: …….Why am I so alone? I need someone.

Voice: Are you going to do this every time?

I don’t care! I miss someone. Quite truly I don’t even know who I miss now. Is it that girl who wrecked me? Is it my first ever crush? Is it the one who rejected me last Wednesday? Or is it just the thought of other people having someone really special while I don’t.

Honestly I don’t know.

Trust me. I do want to know. I want to know what it feels like to feel that poison on purpose. No more can I handle the sudden pain that I myself call out from beneath the depths.

It’s a paradoxical bliss. A hypothetical malice created through years of inner suffering. I’ll tell you what this is. It’s a truth that dwells inside us no matter where we are, a somewhat drunk confession. We are alone and crumpled up. We have been pushed back into a corner and are still looking from corner to corner for that light. We will keep on doing that until we find the right path.

Love is so utterly tempting that even your neighbor’s love for her before anyone else makes you writhe with envy. Factual is this that a poor soul cannot survive without an ounce of emotional attention. Honestly the self of the confused mind really seems to preoccupy itself in ways that leaves the other parts completely bored.

I wish I had a better way to explain how much there are just parts of us which just want someone to accept us. Not attention but proper care.

Sometimes I wonder:

              Should I change?

    Or should I just wait, there will come an answer someday?

Anyways perhaps I think too much. Or I just feel much more. Well we all do and that’s the bloody excuse.
The fact is at one point we all just need someone to be there for us. You cannot exactly explain that relationship you suddenly want for times like those but it exists and it does matter. It has a name which cannot be explained, all I know that it’s not the mother I am talking about. It’s a person you need for just those moments in your life. If you have someone for all, he/she covers them too but if you don’t you sometimes just feel the need for a carer during those moments that break you and leave you wounded.

No matter where you are in life, that feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s just you cannot look for someone during that time. That’s somewhat of a problem but then also if you want that person to be a special someone. Happens when laying eyes on someone new. Sometimes even when you try to re-look at those of old. Their smiles and cheerful words suddenly show you something else.

The fights involved in the mutual understanding of this contradicting paradox. It kills but it somehow teaches more in return.