The one thing I never get but I want it so badly is satisfaction. Hearing what you’ve always wanted to say out loud must have given you a grave satisfaction? To be honest, getting it is quite easy. So easy that it’s just hard to understand how it really works. Basically tell yourself that whatever it is, it makes you feel positive. Whatever people say, think that it makes you feel good. Tell yourself things that a movie usually tells you. The indirect hints and taunts the last movie gave you can be taken as compliments. The learnings should be taken as a perfect gain from the sudden occasions.

It’s very simple. Take every occasion with open arms and welcome the goodness of every single one of them. You got to take in the melons no matter how sour they are. You have to give yourself an excuse to believe you’re satisfied, no matter what it might be. It can be anything. Heck! The people might question your personality because of the nature of the excuses but at the end of the day they will also judge you based on how the outcomes of your life are treating you.

Some of us are such that others make fun of us, secretly dislike us and even defame us. Some are victims of some really harsh behavior. For most harsh would be just a way to put it from their point of view. Mental torment is bigger than it looks but like just about any other form differs from person to person in terms of how much is needed to make the break.

The thing is that there are a lot of things that will disturb you throughout the way. It may be your work, it obviously can be people, or it can be the situation. You really need to tell yourself to press the ignore button, try to fool yourself that there isn’t anything wrong, not with you nor with the other person. Lie to yourself, you’ll feel better because if you know yourself best you’ll know what I’m telling you will work better than trying to fight it the usual way.

The fact of the matter is that we are programmed to want more and are always in search for perfection. It’s either generally that or we just want a situation that treats us best individually. No matter how you explain it, we’re going to keep wanting more.

The blissful thunder that you have inside you is going to have to get used to coming and going on rarer occasions than it used to. You’re going to have to get used to it too. You just have to keep living on. This is going to have to satisfy you for life. That’s how you stay strong. Saying “live with it” doesn’t help, you got to know why. You have to really understand that everything is a test and every single thing you believe is inhumane is not. It’s clearly the opposite and the most important thing you have to carve inside your mind is the fact that no matter what you have to learn to love yourself more. There are going to be times when you’ll need it, your satisfaction will mean it. You will search for someone for moments like those but you’ll have no one but yourself. The heart will ponder and obsess over incredible situations and you’ll satisfy yourself by slowly drowning yourself in forgetfulness.

When it comes to the question of how much you’re worth think of it like this:

You’re the flower not everybody wants to pick. You’re not a rose so whoever picks you is damn sure of what he/she is doing. A lot of blokes are going to take the leap when it comes to the numero uno but everyone’s thought of it before they’ve chosen the lesser favorite option.

No more rants. Keep being who you are. Keep moving forward your own way. Be satisfied being yourself no matter how hard it is. It’s not easy for others to be you, so you’re definitely better at something.






An Untitled Feeling

Me: ……Why am I so?

Voice: Maybe because you want it to be so…

Me: …….Why am I so alone? I need someone.

Voice: Are you going to do this every time?

I don’t care! I miss someone. Quite truly I don’t even know who I miss now. Is it that girl who wrecked me? Is it my first ever crush? Is it the one who rejected me last Wednesday? Or is it just the thought of other people having someone really special while I don’t.

Honestly I don’t know.

Trust me. I do want to know. I want to know what it feels like to feel that poison on purpose. No more can I handle the sudden pain that I myself call out from beneath the depths.

It’s a paradoxical bliss. A hypothetical malice created through years of inner suffering. I’ll tell you what this is. It’s a truth that dwells inside us no matter where we are, a somewhat drunk confession. We are alone and crumpled up. We have been pushed back into a corner and are still looking from corner to corner for that light. We will keep on doing that until we find the right path.

Love is so utterly tempting that even your neighbor’s love for her before anyone else makes you writhe with envy. Factual is this that a poor soul cannot survive without an ounce of emotional attention. Honestly the self of the confused mind really seems to preoccupy itself in ways that leaves the other parts completely bored.

I wish I had a better way to explain how much there are just parts of us which just want someone to accept us. Not attention but proper care.

Sometimes I wonder:

              Should I change?

    Or should I just wait, there will come an answer someday?

Anyways perhaps I think too much. Or I just feel much more. Well we all do and that’s the bloody excuse.
The fact is at one point we all just need someone to be there for us. You cannot exactly explain that relationship you suddenly want for times like those but it exists and it does matter. It has a name which cannot be explained, all I know that it’s not the mother I am talking about. It’s a person you need for just those moments in your life. If you have someone for all, he/she covers them too but if you don’t you sometimes just feel the need for a carer during those moments that break you and leave you wounded.

No matter where you are in life, that feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s just you cannot look for someone during that time. That’s somewhat of a problem but then also if you want that person to be a special someone. Happens when laying eyes on someone new. Sometimes even when you try to re-look at those of old. Their smiles and cheerful words suddenly show you something else.

The fights involved in the mutual understanding of this contradicting paradox. It kills but it somehow teaches more in return.

This Time You Realize

You know sometimes you’re living a day of great fun, filled with food, booze and girls or boys, and it goes as fast as a roadrunner with you simultaneously wondering how it did and wishing there was more time. Other times you’re just living a life filled with despair, boredom, annoyances, basically misery and you wonder how it goes so slow as well as when will it end. You kind of wish for the weekend to come so you can cuddle with your bed instead of having to embrace the cheap tricks. Time is an entity that betrays you every time if you think about it and it’s kind of ironic when people tell you that you don’t give it too much value. If you think about it quite frankly, every decision we have made and are going to make has been the wrong one or is therefore going to be a wrong one. Time has affected it and has forever been quite harsh, we’ve just forever taken it lightly. You never get enough time to enjoy and get the most amount of time to repent for not having got it. To be completely honest it is because I value time which is why I know how hard it is. I would say that if you truly value something, it is then that you begin having the patience to analyze it and fish out it’s flaws.

One of my previous crushes, I would always give her chocolates with a lily. One day she told me that it’s getting quite old and that it wouldn’t work because she didn’t feel the same way. She asked why even while knowing that I kept going on with the gesture. I smiled and told her that I loved to see that happiness she got in getting something so simple. She got much more expensive and flashier stuff from others but from my present made her give a genuine smile. “Well thank you but you can stop now. It’s getting old too. Also you know I love roses too so why always lilies?” she said. “Well it’s because when I give you roses you like the gesture but have nothing to say. When I give you lilies you always speak about what you don’t like about it but how it’s a type of flower you still like. You give it enough importance to analyze it.”. We’ve been quite close ever since.

Some people might have the notion that it is not time that is fast or slow, it is we who are always slower. Let’s just say that in my case, old grandfather clock has never really been with me. He treasures this grandson quite on the down side. You can actually feel the difference because of it. You have so many phrases related to the subject of time but have you wondered how we’ve never gone past it’s trivial meaning?

                                          “It’s not the time”                       “Time up!”

“This time I will!”                         “Time to go.”


There are many more phrases like these that seem completely unrelated. The fact is that we never go past the passing remark and see how time truly does wait for no one. Even that phrase is taken quite casually. It’s really never your time and time isn’t ever up, your chance has just passed. You can never rely on an external entity, trust me when I say this: Each of them betrays you every time. We all technically want to have the life of our dreams to come true and wait for the correct time, trust me the flower ain’t blooming without you watering it every day. It’s not about the time, it’s about your time.

Well speaking of my own time, that’s where the flower’s already bloomed quite well but it’s dying quickly and now time is of the essence.

Talking About Possibilities

You know at times you’re sitting and eating your evening tea and you suddenly realize how weird the world actually is. I watch a lot of movies and will continue that until the day I die but now perhaps I am really beginning to realize that the old saying  “What you see on television is not true.” that we’ve always heard from our parents which goes is actually true.

Think about it, every third movie you watch has scenes where a guy goes and approaches a girl with real ease and mostly escapes without a slap or the “turn down”. To be exact, the other day I was watching such a movie with a friend and I remember me asking him at one point “It seems so easy you know.” and he went “It’s only smooth  on screen.”. He’s right because if we knew, mostly us guys sadly but in reality if we have even a speck of chance of being turned down we don’t take the step. That’s just how it is, it’s same whether you’re a guy or a girl, gay or straight. We’re afraid of either losing the person from our lives or losing our streak in never being turned down. If the movie route could be taken there would be a lesser number of “sweet talkers” without someone to hook up with every Tuesday. All of us successful talkers can’t take the “No”, basically.

Pickups aren’t the only ones, the similar courage and success when you’re in or you come across a tough spot which you can’t handle easily. That’s long form for “people who want to kick your ass”. If I could fool people and lessen the numbers with as simple as “Wait wait wait” to as complex as “Robby! It’s been so long! Remember the daily outings, you visiting me and me visiting you? Let me give you a hug, then maybe you’ll remember” and taking the chance to jab or turning his/her gun against him/her. The tv is basically saying “You have it in you. You don’t really need any training.” And I’m like “So you’re basically telling me that there is a semi bruce lee inside everyone.”.

Another particular one which is really what made me start talking about this in the first place is that sense of freedom you see in movies. You know that “nothing awkward about it” feeling when a new character suddenly pops up and enters the conversation without asking. I’d love to suddenly walk up to a friend and tell her “Listen I know how you feel but you need to really smile, not just smile. Those who really care about you would really want you to do that” because she definitely needs to know that. To be really honest, that thing just makes you jealous of a movie. A human being jealous of a visual for something can you believe it? I tell you, when you’re able to walk up to someone and tell him/her something based on what you noticed from their behavior in the last five minutes and it’s ok, then you know what proper freedom can be like. It also means that then the word “awkward” needn’t exist.

Basically what they tell you is what’s possible then it’s done. They’ve been doing that for decades. We can always try to impress a girl on the street or walk up and save her from a passing creep or comment on a conversation she’s having but that situation isn’t going to come every day. Unfortunately they aren’t always acceptable everywhere too. If they were, life would be so much easier and more fun. Sometimes this freedom just helps bring people closer easily.


Addiction. In our world there’s nothing more terrifying than that. All these psychopathic killers, violent husbands and even evil spirits, they are all frightening examples of chaos. However as true as that might be we tend to overlook the fact that at the end of the day it is their addictions that make them so. All addictions bring you to only gain a considerable amount of pain unless you use that deadly feature the right way. For example, craving success including fame and glory. Now that by itself is just plain normal, however if it gets out of hand and you start going to just about any extent then you can say it’s time to stop your addiction.

Every person on this earth today faces some form of addiction. Some enjoy the ride while others are cautious from the start of it so they fortunately can’t reach the finish line.

Now again I am not saying addiction is bad, what I mean is that all the people who drink, smoke, love someone, hate someone and so on let the resulting obsession control them. We should always be in control of everything that we do and every decision about what we should do. Simple rule to follow if you don’t want to get corrupted.

We all know that there are millions, even billions who go to bars and have shots, sit with their closest chums at home and share a big bottle of Jack Daniels. That’s fine, we live in a world where not everyone can celebrate with champagne. There are reasons to drink as long as those come once in a long while, the point is to not become an alcoholic. Some find getting drunk as fun, these people are the ones who have the ability to mingle with every type of people, even aliens.

Although you know, I really cannot fathom why a person would really get themselves addicted to something that doesn’t give them anything. I mean truly, what does a cigarette present you with that I don’t know about? Honestly I want a reason that makes up for reducing my lifespan. “Why do people smoke?” is a question that will continue to plague me however “Why they started?” has quite a few but the main ones would be either curiosity or depression.


Details hurt too you know. The point is doing anything too much and keeping with it because you can’t stop is the clear definition of an addiction. Give or take, certain things you thought was too simple to hurt actually does. People addicted to eating junk food, or just is a glutton, it’s the same thing since eating too much of anything is bad. It’s kind of weird when you talk about it but true that love is also kind of an addiction that hurts a tonne. It’s also one of the main that leads to depression, then you start drinking or smoking or both and then everyone else is sad. Now I am pretty sure I don’t need to tell you a sad story about unrequited love to explain to you that it’s filled with lots of obsession which sometimes takes new and psychotic heights. Whether that’s wanting the person to be happy or craving the person for oneself, it’s a form of addiction.

A Repetition:-

It’s completely okay to keep wishing for something, wanting to have it and letting yourself run after every opportunity to see it as your own as long as you know how to be the boss of your own desire and not let it start making you it’s steed.

So kids, let it make you grow but don’t let it kill you.

A Simple Issue

So everyone is starting to leave, go abroad, chase their dreams… and maybe try to chase that pretty girl/boy they just saw. Point is we’re all starting to grow up……as the hermits say: “age”. Mainly mentally cause some of us go through puberty at like thirty five. Everyone’s like flying off through the sunset with their honeys and later little bunnies while I’m sitting here wondering whether I need another spoon of maple syrup on my pancake.

I’m kidding. I am only that jobless on Saturdays because I don’t have to wake up early on a Sunday morning.

However it’s true, everyone around me who has either Lady Luck or Lady Lakshmi in their lives have basically attained their visas. By my own account, those ladies may just be actual women cause even they reject the simple and caring men.

It is proved that there are actually quite a few people who stay back and have to study in their own town or country when they actually want to go through that learning process in a completely different place altogether. It also can happen that the person has to study something a bit different. This is because of many types of situations. It can be family, it can be finance or it can be both. Let’s face it, there are those of us who aren’t really getting the extent that we could have gotten if we had more power of position. Obviously it’s not like all of us are really depressed about it. Many of us are living through it and trying to eventually get there.

Now just because an issue is on a very personal level and is passable doesn’t make it small or unimportant. Saying that the fire was small makes it easy for the firefighters, claiming there’s no symptoms makes it easy for the doctor, and so on. They get to move on faster. That doesn’t necessarily mean the victim should or even can. Being depressed won’t get you abroad so let’s not waste that time dawdling. Let’s keep on trying I guess.

The irony is this convolution is right now coming from someone who has experience with more confusion than he can understand and all while lazing in one place. However that “lazing” which others use is a word to describe many things and those things are bridged from one common phrase: “Proper and unique observation”.

While sitting on that chair you can but look around and see those who had the chance and why they are going. What is it that drove them to get it this early, was it just their dad’s huge supply of cash or does the determination and hard work along with planning come as well?

You might be wondering that it’s bizarre that the topic is so simple. Well I tell you that it is but yet it’s so complex.

Isn’t everything like that?


Nonsense- A critique

So as life goes on many of us seem to discover new things while some of us clench tightly to old ones or even tend to carry on with ones which personally make no sense.

Now we all know how unforgiving criticisms are sometimes, whether you’re a movie star, politician, or a big name in some other field. We have all been there or are going to be there real soon.

As part of the digital era you suddenly realize that the strongest power you have is a portable device you carry and that today’s Satan is none but our own mind. At the end of the day the media is all of us, whether you say it like that or want to put it differently by saying “People commenting on a public forum”. And now as we enter the media, we become classified as “fans” or “haters”. Let’s stick to “critic” since we can’t cover everything here.

So there are so many ways of critiquing nowadays and so many types of things that people feel the need to critique. For example how a guy and a girl having fun together needs to mean there’s something more going on, I mean they were wearing matching tees last Sunday when they attended the game together. Then suddenly someone sees him absent for her party and it becomes evident in a second that a fire is burning. Suddenly you have people on one side saying “Damn him!” while you have people on another side going “Must have been her fault. She was hanging with that other guy.”.

While this war is raging you have the guy and girl going “Did we miss something?”.

I swear to you that when it comes to everyday critiquing the plot is pretty much the similar in all cases. People basically find new ways to pass their time, 9 out of 10 of them can be done without.

The harmless ones however go so far, the more ridiculous and annoying ones start from here. Now we can say it in many ways but I prefer to classify them via one category which is “Nonsense”. Some people take “putting your feet in their shoes” way too seriously when they let other’s words affect them which is logically unnecessary, or comment on someone’s behavior based on something she did for some other reason, or even because of something she ate.

The level of nonsense goes higher and higher while some of us have our tolerance go lower and lower.

Now we all know celebrities face this mostly so let’s take a few examples. I would like to ask how playing a character in a film means you have to dress or eat on a similar basis in real life? I would just like to say that if Robert Downey Jr would always wear metallic clothing it would be very disturbing for a lot of people including himself. Generally I think the people who engage in body shaming forget the Oscar or Golden Globe wouldn’t make sense if they acted in the same way in real life. Similarly people criticizing the type of roles an actor takes. It’s not very spectacular thing if a cheating wife has to play herself on screen, and besides that she wouldn’t agree to do it anyway.

We all accept a concept that films aren’t real however we can’t accept that all films can’t have the same reality. I think no matter who you are and what it is, criticizing a film cause of the nature of it’s content is just contradicting at least three things that you yourself say you believe in at some point, which makes you immature.

It’s quite similar when a person makes a joke targeting someone or something. It’s not widely understood by everyone but there are many reasons why a joke is made and just merely to poke fun is just one of them. However that is also a big enough discussion I shall leave for another day.

It’s not to take seriously. One thing isn’t shown  or told so you can actually link it to everything else and murder the individuality or sole purpose that particular content has.

I swear, next people will go “If he’s been single this long, he must be gay which is not a really a good thing.”. Firstly saying being single makes you gay is like saying you not having sex twice a day makes you impotent. Secondly the concept of LGBT is also a concept which is still frowned upon nowadays in certain countries. Weird thing is love for someone of for oneself is by own preference which is nurtured through not just socialization but through the accumulation of  one’s individual ideology and taste. That doesn’t make you ill in any way.

People need to see and understand these things. We need to stop being so slow when it comes to moving forward.

A Mid-Situation

Have you realized we talk about positive  and negative but not in between. It never matters.It’s either our chosen utopia or a failed dystopia. Why? Cause success shows the light and failure results in darkness. Is it really that easy to lose everything just by losing? I haven’t lost it yet. It is actually true, failure is the pillar to success because it does teach you things. However what it also does is give you some benefits from failing somewhere else.Remember the road you took and realized it was a dead end and had to go all the way back which caused you to be extra late for class? Well that failure led you to fail in being able to give your paper instead of giving a blank one anyway.

Well you see, you can actually still have something even you’ve lost a lot and similarly you can recognize that you can be left in the middle also. You can be left without anything but with something basically. Like having a cracker but losing the cookie.Win-win situations are different though. That’s when you add the phrase “Although really hungry”.In this situation, if you fail and get something in return or gain nothing it does matter. Don’t torture yourself to depravity because of  the many cookies that you lose everyday, pat yourself on the shoulder cause each gave you at least three other things.

We always worry so much about what’s gone that sometimes we don’t realize that most of it that’s gone either becomes minute in weight relative to what you got in exchange or it was a small thing to lose in the first place because of the many other things you already have.

It’s always more of a mid-situation never a win-loss. A win-win situation is just relative to the overall situation. Let’s leave it at that.

Just bid your losses goodbye like “I will surely miss you” but leave it at that. Treat it as a form of fate and it was fated that you learn that from this loss. This is how you suddenly realize after a bit that you’re in the same state. You’re back to square one and now it feels like nothing happened. That makes it a mid-situation. Others call it “Enlightenment” but we can all understand it basically refers to faith.


Fight Song- Let’s Win

There are those times, we all know them and some of us still know what they are like. A shout out to all of you guys, don’t worry because I am like you too. I know that particular statement isn’t great motivation but I still said it.

Now let’s talk about why I suddenly went Dalai llama (in case you thought that was too great an example you are very right, please treat yourself a chocolate).

As I said I am like all those people. I struggle everyday. I have to fight every single minute of the way. Against strangers, against enemies and even against those who love me. I get about a hundred wounds everyday, because of certain things I want from myself and because of things I want from others.

Frustrating fact: In between every wound I ponder and inflict two or three more wounds on myself because I got those wounds. It all gets deeper.

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Life is like nicotine, it’ll kill you and in exchange you get those moments to be high.

Every one of us has many dreams we would kill to fulfill and while we shed every drop of blood stepping on each thorn everyday, you also lose something else with each drop, hope. A small bit each time.


You can scream. You cry, drink, smoke and some of may even resort to turning your back. I tell you, you don’t need to because of that no matter how painful it is. And trust me I know what it feels like to be awake at 3 a.m. shedding tears while having a heavy head wondering what I did to deserve to make the wrong decision every single time. I know what it means to me when I see another person being good at something while I’m still ……well struggling.

Don’t make the world get to you. In the end all of us are small boats but we can stand bigger than big waves. Each of us needs to realize it, we all can take all the wrecking balls thrown at us and push them back. You just need to believe. Turn that power back on my friend.


Yeah I believe. No one else is going to for me.

We all have to be strong, keep the fire burning no matter what.

Personal advice: Keep making yourself hear that inner voice that is able to push you.

Every stupid fall I make, let them see

But I will be where I want to be

And smiling at what I see

This is my fight song. This is my right song.

Note: There are only a few singers and especially songs I listen to. Hence it’s a single song always on a loop. However after Let it Be, this is the second song that has ever ever hit me. So like Let it Be I got motivated enough to write about it. I heard your voice, Rachel 🙂 and am planning to create an explosion. 

Link:- Fight Song


Comparing Intentions

Let’s talk about something serious for a change.

Do I already have your attention then?


So here’s what we’re talking about today: Teasing vs Bullying

This is kind of something that isn’t very new to us. For many of us we know “Bullying” to be the main topic. Now firstly when people use the term “bully” or “bullying” I actually imagine a bull charging at my behind. I just do. Don’t laugh!

Alright fine!

Anyways so I would rather use the term “Insulting” because let’s face it, if we talk verbally that’s what the person’s really doing right?

The physical insults only happen once you actually do something back. There is a saying that “When you have no option to resort to, you resort to your hands and legs”.

However not many people tend to understand this that on a scale of 1 to 10 we give an 8 in terms of being insulting to a person way too easily.

“Like bro, if he/she had to score an 8, he wouldn’t tickle your sexuality or color just a bit, he’d go all the way into your own ancestry.”

This is if you give him a strong reason to. Basically piss him off.

Because that my esteemed friend is considered “Joking” or commonly known as “Roasting” nowadays.

Now I know some people aren’t ready for this sort of things yet. To them I explain this in a simpler way.

There is a difference between beating someone up and beating him to death. This is because no matter what you say the first one is always trial while the latter is you showing what you can really do.

So the important issue is “Intent”. That specifies the exact nature of the “Content”.

So if there’s someone picking on someone by pinching you based on a few occurrences, that’s him making fun but what that guy responds with in anger if he doesn’t understand that is an insult.

To be fairly honest there are quite a few people in this world who mistake people who joke, tease, and roast their peers for the “bullies” as people call them. I call them “jealous”………………………………………….. the people who insult that is, not the people who make the mistake so calm down in case you just thought of reporting me.

In a 100 individuals, at least 75 people make fun/ tease because the other person person is worth spending that ten seconds making a joke on. The other 25 are the people who do it because they can. Basically if you didn’t matter, your roaster would talk to you in the most formal manner possible and only when you decided to approach him.

However one of the problems from the side of these brilliant 75 comedians is that out of them 15 can understand, control and channel the difference between insulting and joking/roasting.

Let’s try to learn and understand when and how to “bully” the harmless way. That sounds right I think. Let’s “insult” out of love. Let’s keep the “intent” to be “harmless fun”.