The lights were dimming fast, thoughts perishing as they went. A meticulous merry mark of mischievous matrimony
Scarred in places, reborn with paces
He touched her hands ever so slightly as she reflected on the riches of her guilty pleasures.
Once deflected of the most unclear joys he perched his sorrows on ulterior grounds.
Searching in the brisk moonlight, putting out his hand in the scorching moonlight
Unearthly forgetfulness centered around one such dissonance
Truth be told, it never went so far but ever so further
Crossing oceans of agonizing happiness he pulled her close and dipped inside her inner sanctum
Marching past disbelief, he somehow felt at home
Upper and lower, near and far. I saw but a raging fire trapped inside a little jar.
I crept ever so gently across the promised lands
I received solace as I felt her’s in my hands
She smiled ever so calmly while she cried a raging river
The sorry little poster child finally reached under my skin
As she stood a step in the distance
I was a lifetime apart but yet so close
A satisfaction towards the corner of her smile
Merry times led to a withering flower
With petals that curled in over it’s beautiful veins of insecurity
Watching loudly, controlling the fear on her reins in obscurity
Cast away in dimensions, treading on varied simplicity
A tear flowed in silence, the smile blew away a thousand hearts
The red lineage of her bitter monuments, I stared into her servitude
A mellow piece of my ecstasy beneath the west wind raindrops
The veins cried out a whisper that reached deep within my malt-ish vine
Scurried into my Neverland she bit through a thousand pasts
The touch she pushed inside worrying inches of my light heartbeats
Swollen and sorry as I looked past her colorful cries
Heaped and dark, rash and definitely not mine to wonder
I got up as I swam past her Spaniards, reached the dusked up destination
I took a roundabout across memories of sadness, a left took me to another zone
Lost I got as I slipped into a trance, her embrace made me feel at home
Slim was her sensibility, sweetly swollen was her hair
Messed in senses, a Evangeline structure ripped bare
The crimson serenity stripped to no amends
Her fair complexion bewitched past a thousand stares
Courageous yet cautious I entered into the solemn seduction
A raw merriment so pure, the crisps of the sides prismed sore
Queried past self-psychosis, as she continued her invasion
Days passed by in an universe that intersected in collision
I felt her scent as I outran her inner melancholy
I carried fast while I pictured her bliss, insinuatingly jolly
In dominance I played to a river of her solitude
I confessed upon her inner angel, she broke fortitude
I looked into the soul of her inner, mesmerizing
I crept into her consciousness twice, thrice surprising
As she rejected all through her frequent rants
She self-seduced seduction in loud whispers
When she cried inside her inner sanctum
My hidden essence could hear her weep
With numerous bare heavens, she hid the burnt doorways
Clenching her body with certain joy, my thoughts felt like sto-waways
Writhing in a beckoning so high I took her close
Her slender arms and legs left me comatose
As I called to her shadows, the soft skin so brown and bright
I risked all and dipped into her, holding her insecurities very tight
A relationship set back in time, in a parallel existence
Wondering within waters of memory, a kiss that put the lights out
She dispelled into pestilence, scared me with masterful mania
Hid through every hasty handful, she played through the emotional field
Struck with darkened interference, I was licked by a foolish intolerance
I caressed her dry, treading into a torrid feeling which got to my sense
As I walked away from her brown eyes, I rode into a different sunset
Dressed her in silence, every time coming back to where we first met
As she faded away in non-existence
A hug came to me in fantasy
Few sparkles of ceremonious giggles
Lighting up chrysanthemum in a little glass
“You are among my cluster of thoughts”
In a garden of metered maleficence
A true embodiment of gifted lilac
Entrusted by the heart on it’s bloom
Impertinent and immoral, wasted by cruelty sweet
I took a quick glance before the eyes would meet
Proudly I dared look into her compressed mirror
Colors bounced between convex edges
Artful than the impression that Gogh did forget
Menacingly beautiful as she took the turn
A celibacy of uncountable dark attractions at that
A pact of resentful urgencies that cluelessly burn
Puppet intentions, I took a peel of what I could take
The soft edges of mysticism exchanged by a shake
As she curled into his pages, stinging with her straight hair so folly
Her eyes showed the way towards Eden, spreading enamour so jolly
“I love her like anything”, greeneries of thought
A penitent displeasure in the breath
It’s solemnly not a vague plethora
Of any melancholia given to perfection
Strings of euphony lusted in ceremony
Laughter of agony kissed through obscurity
He knew she violated second to none
The edged mistress etched into crimson
The shining black eyes of a liason
With a look that left all red in sensation
The stranger gave another smile
As she ravaged the heart of no return
Skillfully her slender nature took position
Moulding in between while she caressed away
She moved her penchant eyes and searched territory
A discovery properly dressed to be found
The lush hair that left you in dementia
Maroon-ed me ebony, circumstances stood still
Her inner skin touched till fury emerged pointless
Sin brightly crept from behind, curves on their faces
Cloaked in delight, aroused by the stir of salvation
Scared past her ambiguity, cursed by self-domination
As her dark effervescence brightened the path
The solemn moments took it’s first wrath
Supple merriment that passed completely bathed
As he moved through her neck, the sweet shrieks left him unscathed
The innocence that penetrated into the depths of cynicism
The satanic thirst of the angel so pure in contradiction
Descant followed her light feet, each step into melancholia
The lilac jested it’s fragrance, stamped me with her insignia
There stood the silent traveller
Her thoughts penitent, noisy and raw
As she ravaged into inner metamorphosis
Tens of thousands passed, only seeing her gnaw
As I breached past what seemed like another lonely encounter
There lay a pile of facts on which I started to ponder
Surrounded by baskets of thoughts inside a metered mind
With depth, leftly disillusioned while rightly picked
While the passing boy found joy in her dark brown eyes
I found solace in her inner mystique
Her black and white image said a thousand goodbyes
As her crimson aura piqued with every peek
Finally she was hit by my constant stare
With calm reciprocation, she gave a beastly glare
Solemn in her beauty, those lips whispered terror
Masked by innocence, her brows drew my error
I decided to take a step, a death crawl into her pantry
Am a stubborn martyr, I instantly marched into oblivion
Blinded by the beauty darker than her hair
Charmed by confusion, I sought to make an intrusion
Within moments I entered the ring of fire
As I melted, the confusion faded away
As I dove into the fiery depths, I did not tire
The newfound connection was here to stay
With every moment I chose to read her dry
An automated response to her being sly
The yin yang image held her in a frame
The desire, the terror was part of the game
There she was in all her fury
Remarkable zest, eyes of obscurity
As they did the occasional down and up
All was noticed was a slender soul
But to me was someone who made me whole
Her curly hair lined its way into my heart
She had clowned them all from the start
As I touched the curly soul there writhed agony
As she menaced to sensation there stood testimony
The aphrodising hand that cried the river
The pheromonic angst that lit through the doorway
The rainbow in her presence whispered me a tale
Breaking a solemn purity, she put down the veil
Little did she know that there crept a shadow
There stood the demon holding the lantern
The sweet giggle pierced through mahogany
While the tongue in cheek softened up the story
Crimson and tantalized as she lay halfway across the bed
Her plain psychosis charmed a thousand loves never said
As she walked by my fence, I crept steady into her secret room
She wove her own Charlotte’s web, I spent time with a valuable cartoon
L’amour jested past a million curses, her purple aura did attain
In tender darkness sailing beyond, le désir dans ses veines
She is the graceful wind, ravaging past sensible mediocrity
An Evangeline traveller, she guided me through her mystical city
Me: ……Why am I so?
Voice: Maybe because you want it to be so…
Me: …….Why am I so alone? I need someone.
Voice: Are you going to do this every time?
I don’t care! I miss someone. Quite truly I don’t even know who I miss now. Is it that girl who wrecked me? Is it my first ever crush? Is it the one who rejected me last Wednesday? Or is it just the thought of other people having someone really special while I don’t.
Honestly I don’t know.
Trust me. I do want to know. I want to know what it feels like to feel that poison on purpose. No more can I handle the sudden pain that I myself call out from beneath the depths.
It’s a paradoxical bliss. A hypothetical malice created through years of inner suffering. I’ll tell you what this is. It’s a truth that dwells inside us no matter where we are, a somewhat drunk confession. We are alone and crumpled up. We have been pushed back into a corner and are still looking from corner to corner for that light. We will keep on doing that until we find the right path.
Love is so utterly tempting that even your neighbor’s love for her before anyone else makes you writhe with envy. Factual is this that a poor soul cannot survive without an ounce of emotional attention. Honestly the self of the confused mind really seems to preoccupy itself in ways that leaves the other parts completely bored.
I wish I had a better way to explain how much there are just parts of us which just want someone to accept us. Not attention but proper care.
Sometimes I wonder:
Should I change?
Or should I just wait, there will come an answer someday?
Anyways perhaps I think too much. Or I just feel much more. Well we all do and that’s the bloody excuse.
The fact is at one point we all just need someone to be there for us. You cannot exactly explain that relationship you suddenly want for times like those but it exists and it does matter. It has a name which cannot be explained, all I know that it’s not the mother I am talking about. It’s a person you need for just those moments in your life. If you have someone for all, he/she covers them too but if you don’t you sometimes just feel the need for a carer during those moments that break you and leave you wounded.
No matter where you are in life, that feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s just you cannot look for someone during that time. That’s somewhat of a problem but then also if you want that person to be a special someone. Happens when laying eyes on someone new. Sometimes even when you try to re-look at those of old. Their smiles and cheerful words suddenly show you something else.
The fights involved in the mutual understanding of this contradicting paradox. It kills but it somehow teaches more in return.
I continued to tread through a dreadful mist of lies but suddenly I took a left turn and saw the truth before me. Surprisingly the truth was just that whenever I keep telling myself the same lie, it decides to show itself to me after an odd number of times. The lie was that I only thought of her in that way because she was the girl everyone want. The Prized One or the best possible thing that makes you class material if you get her. It’s good to lie to yourself, but it’s bad when you can’t shake the fact that it’s a lie when you’re saying it. The fact that I adore her and it’s actually not a crush but something way above in the food chain is questionable when you cannot fathom how or why it escalated so quickly.
Facing the fact, I wanted to speak but normally it’s hard enough truthfully, now I had to find the courage to move up and reason with it. Cutting on the metaphors, I’ll tell you that if there was any other moment which had been so educational, it would still be right after this one. This meeting was the silent pass by but the fact is the silence delivered quite an intensive speech.
She walked through the crowd while moving her hair with one hand and holding her phone in the other. It was a reminder that the situation didn’t look to have aged at all. Her eyes as beautiful as they were oblivious to my presence. She didn’t seemed to have aged at all, rather looked to have become younger. In a few seconds I became from aimless to analytical and that hurts.
How easy it was just crossing paths without even letting them collide is what you realize. However meanwhile everything isn’t looking so great on the inside. There is worry, anxiety and fear regarding what the person should do. Should he walk up and face his fear? What measures should he take? What is the bloody plan?
I wish I could say everybody’s right and I should perhaps either face her or face it. Well thing is I am moving on but cannot be rid of her. I have reached the new level where I have perhaps escaped her but she hasn’t yet escaped my mind. She keeps coming back, my mind keeps bringing her back at times. Well for one thing the constant wishes got me to see her live again however that birdwatching session showed me something new. The same thing but through the eyes of sensibility did I see it.
Now with that I am one step closer to ridding myself off self-torture. I would be lying if I say I didn’t feel like the world is stealing her away from me now that we don’t exist to each other, well at least me to her but then what can you do right? Everyone has to move on and it was now my turn to seriously do that, however at the same time I’ll keep some hope for the next nine years.
I miss you. I don’t know why. You were just a passing perfume. You didn’t feel like it was meant to be. Even I, a travelling buyer never had the direct interest at first. It slowly came as I saw a specialty that was quite intriguing.
If that is how simple it was why do I crave only your fragrance? I tend to look at every other around me every day, gain and lose interests for them. Yet even while enjoying them it is you that I try to find. Comparison develops before I even think of it. You continue to be a chief basis.
“You think I am drunk?”
Well my heart is, I am completely sober.
I keep on moving forward every single day, my heart however wanders in all directions and then leads itself through the maze to you.
You keep being a light shining it’s light on me even in the darkness.
“Where are you?” I ask myself stopping in between the crowd.
“Where am I?”
I seem to have an insane addiction when thinking about you, going on and on and on. A brainless pleasure for piercing myself real smoothly.
I swear! Where in heavens do you get the indirect strength to haunt me and where do I intake the drug that keeps you inside me.
“What is it I wonder. I would having that from tomorrow if I knew”
You give me a confusion that transcends through oceans but that aims to reach you at some point without prediction.
“Why do you……well you know?” they ask me.
Others say I’m obsessed. Well let me clarify right now.
Perhaps it was your slender figure, your warmth perhaps too depth defying or maybe it was your straight hair. Perhaps it tickled more than just my nose, sent a part of you deep inside while it was at it.
Or or or I know it must have been your face, too sweet for comfort. Must have been those eyes too. I am so casting a contradicting curse on the person that made you right now.
Look at me, flirting on a piece of paper. Confusion at it’s best.
This is so complicated. I am so so complicated.
You are a well I want to escape but I wish for you to give me water at least thrice a week.
I need to fill the void. I need a new fragrance. I yearn for one every minute.
“But I so wish you were the new one.”
“Why?” Even I ask myself. “WHY?? Tell me!”
“Even I’m trying to understand” said the heart.
I see them. They are actually everywhere but then they are not. I can feel them whispering from the inner shadows.
They speak to me in my sleep. They tell me things that I want to know, and sometimes things that I don’t.
They talk. They emphasize. They quarrel.They are the voices that decide right from wrong……..but there are none.
“They think you’re useless?”
“Yes he should.”
“You want to take that?”
“No he shouldn’t.”
“I’ll tell you what you should do………….Kill them! Kill them all!”
You suddenly even clench your fists because of the seizures. Seemingly random but not without cause. They are telling you their own motives.
Sometimes they even tell you to pick up a bat and hit your closest friend.
I tell you, the voices can be random themselves hence it’s completely them when you think about it.
Sometimes you are leaning forward on a balcony and they tell you “Jump!”
They think they are very helpful. To some their words are the sweet plague while to others they are your imaginary friends who you talk to in between moments.
I shall tell you, that they are watching you right now.
They are suddenly going to come
and boom!! They hit you.
Just like the nicotin. In a minute you’re back.
But in the last minute you just went through something you cannot explain.
You see, they are watching you and waiting for the right time to pester you each time. They wait each time for the perfect moment to make you go “AAAAAHHHHH!”
They drain you very quietly, in exchange for thoughts.
Just like that.Literally. And quite suddenly.
They are the answer to your individuality. They inject the right words to let the reaction out. The one that you so hide. The one you exchange for the one you show.
But among all these voices is the voice that calms you down and the voice that tells you not to listen to the others. The clarity. The shield to the insanity.
She tells you “Stop and start thinking now.”
“You love me right?”
“Yes I do.”
Finally you have the voice that matters. Your own.
Her’s matters too though and she’s telling me to stop now and I have to listen. That’s my voice saying.