Depth of my feelings IV

As I sat meddling away, I turned to see her looking beyond. I touched her hair as she replied with the smile that hadn’t seen since we both said our vows. I patted her head while I tilted mine and looked at her while she eyed me all confused.
“You okay?” She said.
The conscience broke for a minute and I just kept smiling. I wanted to but I could not say it. My words fell from eyes and like a reflex she wrapped herself around me. She’d always been so tender with her misgivings. The lifelong rupture in my heart had suddenly started mending itself.
The vendetta within oneself turned from grief to sweet sorrow. A loving kiss was placed on my cheek. A soft hand was placed on the other. This time she tilted her head and just smiled.
That one minute that would never end
As I sat meddling away, I turned to see her looking beyond. I touched her hair as she replied with the smile that hadnt seen since we both said our vows. I patted her head while I tilted mine and looked at her while she eyed me all confused.
“You okay?” She asked.
The conscience broke for a minute and I just kept smiling. I wanted to but I could not say it. My words fell from eyes and like a reflex she wrapped herself around me. She’d always been so tender with her misgivings. The lifelong rupture in my heart had suddenly started mending itself.
The vendetta within oneself turned from grief to sweet sorrow. A loving kiss was placed on my cheek. A soft hand was placed on the other. This time she tilted her head and just smiled.
That one minute that would never end
As she sat on my lap that night, I faced her with all my disarray. I meant for her to feel her intrusion in me. She didnt. She carried forward her own disarray as she took the first step. We fell. We rejoiced in each other’s bends and curves. Her’s overwhelmed me as I touched her. She felt me heavy but I couldn’t resist the wake of her savage ways. I felt the words in my eyes once again but this time put them to mouth.
“I’m dying”
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Depth of my feelings – II

 

The lights were dimming fast, thoughts perishing as they went. A meticulous merry mark of mischievous matrimony

Scarred in places, reborn with paces

He touched her hands ever so slightly as she reflected on the riches of her guilty pleasures.

Once deflected of the most unclear joys he perched his sorrows on ulterior grounds.

Searching in the brisk moonlight, putting out his hand in the scorching moonlight

Unearthly forgetfulness centered around one such dissonance

Truth be told, it never went so far but ever so further

Crossing oceans of agonizing happiness he pulled her close and dipped inside her inner sanctum

Marching past disbelief, he somehow felt at home

Upper and lower, near and far. I saw but a raging fire trapped inside a little jar.

I crept ever so gently across the promised lands

I received solace as I felt her’s in my hands

She smiled ever so calmly while she cried a raging river

The sorry little poster child finally reached under my skin

 

                    The Lone Star Statuette

 

As she stood a step in the distance

I was a lifetime apart but yet so close

A satisfaction towards the corner of her smile

Merry times led to a withering flower

With petals that curled in over it’s beautiful veins of insecurity

Watching loudly, controlling the fear on her reins in obscurity

Cast away in dimensions, treading on varied simplicity

A tear flowed in silence, the smile blew away a thousand hearts

The red lineage of her bitter monuments, I stared into her servitude

A mellow piece of my ecstasy beneath the west wind raindrops

The veins cried out a whisper that reached deep within my malt-ish vine

Scurried into my Neverland she bit through a thousand pasts

The touch she pushed inside worrying inches of my light heartbeats

Swollen and sorry as I looked past her colorful cries

Heaped and dark, rash and definitely not mine to wonder

I got up as I swam past her Spaniards, reached the dusked up destination

I took a roundabout across memories of sadness, a left took me to another zone

Lost I got as I slipped into a trance, her embrace made me feel at home

 

Slim was her sensibility, sweetly swollen was her hair

Messed in senses, a Evangeline structure ripped bare

The crimson serenity stripped to no amends

Her fair complexion bewitched past a thousand stares

Courageous yet cautious I entered into the solemn seduction

A raw merriment so pure, the crisps of the sides prismed sore

Queried past self-psychosis, as she continued her invasion

Days passed by in an universe that intersected in collision

I felt her scent as I outran her inner melancholy

I carried fast while I pictured her bliss, insinuatingly jolly

In dominance I played to a river of her solitude

I confessed upon her inner angel, she broke fortitude

 

I looked into the soul of her inner, mesmerizing

I crept into her consciousness twice, thrice surprising

As she rejected all through her frequent rants

She self-seduced seduction in loud whispers

When she cried inside her inner sanctum

My hidden essence could hear her weep

With numerous bare heavens, she hid the burnt doorways

Clenching her body with certain joy, my thoughts felt like sto-waways

Writhing in a beckoning so high I took her close

Her slender arms and legs left me comatose

As I called to her shadows, the soft skin so brown and bright

I risked all and dipped into her, holding her insecurities very tight

A relationship set back in time, in a parallel existence

Wondering within waters of memory, a kiss that put the lights out

She dispelled into pestilence, scared me with masterful mania

Hid through every hasty handful, she played through the emotional field

Struck with darkened interference, I was licked by a foolish intolerance

I caressed her dry, treading into a torrid feeling which got to my sense

As I walked away from her brown eyes, I rode into a different sunset

Dressed her in silence, every time coming back to where we first met

 

 

 

 

 

 

KISS OF A LILAC

As she faded away in non-existence
A hug came to me in fantasy
Few sparkles of ceremonious giggles
Lighting up chrysanthemum in a little glass

“You are among my cluster of thoughts”
In a garden of metered maleficence
A true embodiment of gifted lilac
Entrusted by the heart on it’s bloom

Impertinent and immoral, wasted by cruelty sweet
I took a quick glance before the eyes would meet
Proudly I dared look into her compressed mirror
Colors bounced between convex edges

Artful than the impression that Gogh did forget
Menacingly beautiful as she took the turn
A celibacy of uncountable dark attractions at that
A pact of resentful urgencies that cluelessly burn

Puppet intentions, I took a peel of what I could take
The soft edges of mysticism exchanged by a shake
As she curled into his pages, stinging with her straight hair so folly
Her eyes showed the way towards Eden, spreading enamour so jolly

“I love her like anything”, greeneries of thought
A penitent displeasure in the breath
It’s solemnly not a vague plethora
Of any melancholia given to perfection
Strings of euphony lusted in ceremony
Laughter of agony kissed through obscurity

He knew she violated second to none
The edged mistress etched into crimson
The shining black eyes of a liason
With a look that left all red in sensation

The stranger gave another smile
As she ravaged the heart of no return
Skillfully her slender nature took position
Moulding in between while she caressed away
She moved her penchant eyes and searched territory
A discovery properly dressed to be found
The lush hair that left you in dementia
Maroon-ed me ebony, circumstances stood still
Her inner skin touched till fury emerged pointless
Sin brightly crept from behind, curves on their faces
Cloaked in delight, aroused by the stir of salvation
Scared past her ambiguity, cursed by self-domination

As her dark effervescence brightened the path
The solemn moments took it’s first wrath
Supple merriment that passed completely bathed
As he moved through her neck, the sweet shrieks left him unscathed

The innocence that penetrated into the depths of cynicism
The satanic thirst of the angel so pure in contradiction
Descant followed her light feet, each step into melancholia
The lilac jested it’s fragrance, stamped me with her insignia

The Girl in Black and White

There stood the silent traveller

Her thoughts penitent, noisy and raw

As she ravaged into inner metamorphosis

Tens of thousands passed, only seeing her gnaw

As I breached past what seemed like another lonely encounter

There lay a pile of facts on which I started to ponder

Surrounded by baskets of thoughts inside a metered mind

With depth, leftly disillusioned while rightly picked

While the passing boy found joy in her dark brown eyes

I found solace in her inner mystique

Her black and white image said a thousand goodbyes

As her crimson aura piqued with every peek

Finally she was hit by my constant stare

With calm reciprocation, she gave a beastly glare

Solemn in her beauty, those lips whispered terror

Masked by innocence, her brows drew my error

I decided to take a step, a death crawl into her pantry

Am a stubborn martyr, I instantly marched into oblivion

Blinded by the beauty darker than her hair

Charmed by confusion, I sought to make an intrusion

Within moments I entered the ring of fire

As I melted, the confusion faded away

As I dove into the fiery depths, I did not tire

The newfound connection was here to stay

With every moment I chose to read her dry

An automated response to her being sly

The yin yang image held her in a frame

The desire, the terror was part of the game

 

The Evangeline Traveller

There she was in all her fury

Remarkable zest, eyes of obscurity

As they did the occasional down and up

All was noticed was a slender soul

But to me was someone who made me whole

Her curly hair lined its way into my heart

She had clowned them all from the start

As I touched the curly soul there writhed agony

As she menaced to sensation there stood testimony

The aphrodising hand that cried the river

The pheromonic angst that lit through the doorway

The rainbow in her presence whispered me a tale

Breaking a solemn purity, she put down the veil

Little did she know that there crept a shadow

There stood the demon holding the lantern

The sweet giggle pierced through mahogany

While the tongue in cheek softened up the story

Crimson and tantalized as she lay halfway across the bed

Her plain psychosis charmed a thousand loves never said

As she walked by my fence, I crept steady into her secret room

She wove her own Charlotte’s web, I spent time with a valuable cartoon

L’amour jested past a million curses, her purple aura did attain

In tender darkness sailing beyond, le désir dans ses veines

She is the graceful wind, ravaging past sensible mediocrity

An Evangeline traveller, she guided me through her mystical city

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Untitled Feeling

Me: ……Why am I so?

Voice: Maybe because you want it to be so…

Me: …….Why am I so alone? I need someone.

Voice: Are you going to do this every time?

I don’t care! I miss someone. Quite truly I don’t even know who I miss now. Is it that girl who wrecked me? Is it my first ever crush? Is it the one who rejected me last Wednesday? Or is it just the thought of other people having someone really special while I don’t.

Honestly I don’t know.

Trust me. I do want to know. I want to know what it feels like to feel that poison on purpose. No more can I handle the sudden pain that I myself call out from beneath the depths.

It’s a paradoxical bliss. A hypothetical malice created through years of inner suffering. I’ll tell you what this is. It’s a truth that dwells inside us no matter where we are, a somewhat drunk confession. We are alone and crumpled up. We have been pushed back into a corner and are still looking from corner to corner for that light. We will keep on doing that until we find the right path.

Love is so utterly tempting that even your neighbor’s love for her before anyone else makes you writhe with envy. Factual is this that a poor soul cannot survive without an ounce of emotional attention. Honestly the self of the confused mind really seems to preoccupy itself in ways that leaves the other parts completely bored.

I wish I had a better way to explain how much there are just parts of us which just want someone to accept us. Not attention but proper care.

Sometimes I wonder:

              Should I change?

    Or should I just wait, there will come an answer someday?

Anyways perhaps I think too much. Or I just feel much more. Well we all do and that’s the bloody excuse.
The fact is at one point we all just need someone to be there for us. You cannot exactly explain that relationship you suddenly want for times like those but it exists and it does matter. It has a name which cannot be explained, all I know that it’s not the mother I am talking about. It’s a person you need for just those moments in your life. If you have someone for all, he/she covers them too but if you don’t you sometimes just feel the need for a carer during those moments that break you and leave you wounded.

No matter where you are in life, that feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s just you cannot look for someone during that time. That’s somewhat of a problem but then also if you want that person to be a special someone. Happens when laying eyes on someone new. Sometimes even when you try to re-look at those of old. Their smiles and cheerful words suddenly show you something else.

The fights involved in the mutual understanding of this contradicting paradox. It kills but it somehow teaches more in return.