A Simple Issue

So everyone is starting to leave, go abroad, chase their dreams… and maybe try to chase that pretty girl/boy they just saw. Point is we’re all starting to grow up……as the hermits say: “age”. Mainly mentally cause some of us go through puberty at like thirty five. Everyone’s like flying off through the sunset with their honeys and later little bunnies while I’m sitting here wondering whether I need another spoon of maple syrup on my pancake.

I’m kidding. I am only that jobless on Saturdays because I don’t have to wake up early on a Sunday morning.

However it’s true, everyone around me who has either Lady Luck or Lady Lakshmi in their lives have basically attained their visas. By my own account, those ladies may just be actual women cause even they reject the simple and caring men.

It is proved that there are actually quite a few people who stay back and have to study in their own town or country when they actually want to go through that learning process in a completely different place altogether. It also can happen that the person has to study something a bit different. This is because of many types of situations. It can be family, it can be finance or it can be both. Let’s face it, there are those of us who aren’t really getting the extent that we could have gotten if we had more power of position. Obviously it’s not like all of us are really depressed about it. Many of us are living through it and trying to eventually get there.

Now just because an issue is on a very personal level and is passable doesn’t make it small or unimportant. Saying that the fire was small makes it easy for the firefighters, claiming there’s no symptoms makes it easy for the doctor, and so on. They get to move on faster. That doesn’t necessarily mean the victim should or even can. Being depressed won’t get you abroad so let’s not waste that time dawdling. Let’s keep on trying I guess.

The irony is this convolution is right now coming from someone who has experience with more confusion than he can understand and all while lazing in one place. However that “lazing” which others use is a word to describe many things and those things are bridged from one common phrase: “Proper and unique observation”.

While sitting on that chair you can but look around and see those who had the chance and why they are going. What is it that drove them to get it this early, was it just their dad’s huge supply of cash or does the determination and hard work along with planning come as well?

You might be wondering that it’s bizarre that the topic is so simple. Well I tell you that it is but yet it’s so complex.

Isn’t everything like that?

 

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Fight Song- Let’s Win

There are those times, we all know them and some of us still know what they are like. A shout out to all of you guys, don’t worry because I am like you too. I know that particular statement isn’t great motivation but I still said it.

Now let’s talk about why I suddenly went Dalai llama (in case you thought that was too great an example you are very right, please treat yourself a chocolate).

As I said I am like all those people. I struggle everyday. I have to fight every single minute of the way. Against strangers, against enemies and even against those who love me. I get about a hundred wounds everyday, because of certain things I want from myself and because of things I want from others.

Frustrating fact: In between every wound I ponder and inflict two or three more wounds on myself because I got those wounds. It all gets deeper.

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Life is like nicotine, it’ll kill you and in exchange you get those moments to be high.

Every one of us has many dreams we would kill to fulfill and while we shed every drop of blood stepping on each thorn everyday, you also lose something else with each drop, hope. A small bit each time.

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You can scream. You cry, drink, smoke and some of may even resort to turning your back. I tell you, you don’t need to because of that no matter how painful it is. And trust me I know what it feels like to be awake at 3 a.m. shedding tears while having a heavy head wondering what I did to deserve to make the wrong decision every single time. I know what it means to me when I see another person being good at something while I’m still ……well struggling.

Don’t make the world get to you. In the end all of us are small boats but we can stand bigger than big waves. Each of us needs to realize it, we all can take all the wrecking balls thrown at us and push them back. You just need to believe. Turn that power back on my friend.

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Yeah I believe. No one else is going to for me.

We all have to be strong, keep the fire burning no matter what.

Personal advice: Keep making yourself hear that inner voice that is able to push you.

Every stupid fall I make, let them see

But I will be where I want to be

And smiling at what I see

This is my fight song. This is my right song.

Note: There are only a few singers and especially songs I listen to. Hence it’s a single song always on a loop. However after Let it Be, this is the second song that has ever ever hit me. So like Let it Be I got motivated enough to write about it. I heard your voice, Rachel 🙂 and am planning to create an explosion. 

Link:- Fight Song

 

Childhood

Kids are swell creatures aren’t they? Annoying and cute, one of the greatest company as well as the highest nuisances you could have in this world.

However no matter what you got to love the little ducklings or monkeys or whatever cute animal you want to compare them with. I would prefer just kids though because somewhere in the distance a duck goes like “Quaack?”.

As we all know, at our tender age we were all the worst masterminds or just at our peak of being diabolical when it comes to playing the pranks fashionable to five-ten year olds.

Well lessons from mojo and bugs bunny aside we also do get those kids who do the exact opposite at that age, like show their talent in gymnastics, mathematics, and many more.

Don’t worry, I am not going to take you straight from the happy world into the boring reality just yet. Also I am not forgetting the ones who ain’t on the zenith of childhood brilliance.

Those kids who break average IQ bars of that age though are amazing according to me. They define evolution at it’s finest.

They express their dormant talent rather subconsciously which makes them among the lucky and faster ones. Either they show a rather innate interest or they are put into the process of honing the right skills for the day they are asked about their achievements in an interview.

I swear, even those evil brats actually deviate their way to the doing the right thing. Sometimes even that is life. Your experiences teach you what you’re good at. In the same way, whether it’s a martyr or even a terrorist.

We all hone our way into what we do later, perhaps it could even be said that it was the path meant to be created. Yes though, it was the one chosen and the others could have been too but the point is that the way the kid went, his experience lead him there. His talented mind and soul gave him the gracious command that “Bro we got to do this next and then that and then oooh that too” and here we are. That’s how all those kids grow up.

Some grow up climbing a tree all the way to Hollywood while some try chasing an ant until he reaches Madison Square Garden.

We have always loved growing up and then have looked back afterwards. Our children will do that as will their children and they will do it while going through this same process of internalization.

For all kids, even us and those of the future we all know how it all happens. Seems very uncontrolled but to be honest somehow we were controlling ourselves. We just didn’t realize it, we had made some proper decisions while playing with a lot of other ones which would sometimes result to a broken vase or just a broken knee. We’ve all tried our best to be great at what we did and aced it and worked hard towards being good where we failed miserably.

 

 

 

 

Plain Reality

Emptiness. A blank mind wandering from dusk till dawn while driving out emotions. Emotion bearing hunger, hundreds of thousands of declining thoughts.

“I don’t know”

“Why don’t I know?”

“I wish to know! I want to find myself”

The future of that person starts now, with the dry feeling in his throat.  The thought is the start and with that begins every other emotional situation.

“And I still do not know”

Perhaps the endless emotion situation is lucky to be there, it helps me know something at least. Or else I would know nothing.

It is this situation that teaches me sadness, it teaches us fear. The fear of losing someone else.

Destruction is so creative, it calms us before bringing the storm. Makes us numb enough so the drug finds it easier.

The tension makes me feel heavy, makes me want to eat, sleep………. and sometimes smoke.

I do not like the feeling, it makes me vulnerable. It makes me weak and leaves me lesser than myself.

The emptiness leaves the mind so closed that sometimes one wishes he could go to sleep and wake up in another life.

The idiocy boosts the adrenaline and increases the pressure on the brain. The pulse increases, hope decreases.

“Kill me now. Someone, please.”

I am not going to cry, fall into the void of emotions. Sometimes emptiness actually helps. The pain of the calm is better than that of the mental degradation.

Sharing it makes it even more remarkable at times, you just don’t know what to say and how to say it sometimes. It’s basically place you can’t describe, one of those ultimate things you can’t fully describe. Others have to experience by themselves. And it doesn’t help at all, you’re just telling someone “hey so this is me right now, and that’s how it is with me like most of the time” and he’s like “Oh yeah uh huh uh huh.”

It happens again though and they are there but it doesn’t really make it easier. Thoughts themselves are a bloody paradox. Emptiness helps hence but like everything, it’s torture is just less painful.

On the Edge

Life, a fact worth discussion. So fast, it doesn’t even break a sweat. Doesn’t even glance at us to look at what we are feeling. Are we even worth it then? Do we even matter?

It clearly doesn’t even want to look at what we feel. We seem like grass left to just wither away. Why should we have to face such agony and unimportance from ourselves.

Have you ever wondered about how unfair it is that the so called person up there can give you nice apples this minute and next minute when you take a bite it tastes inexplicably sour?

Isn’t that example funny? It just makes you realize you cannot even control the fruit you yourself grow.

He: What if when you give yourself away to me?

And then you realize the contradiction.

However do you really think then we are at fault?

“No! It’s not” I say. “It’s not your fault. Don’t think that it is. I’ll slap you if you think that.”

It’s the fault of situation. It’s led by causality, a causality that is seemingly sudden but has stray links.

You start feeling angry at first, then the calm gradually floods out.

The lack of control ravages many leading them to a state of bitter calmness.

The calmness learns pass and bring a blue sky.

I continue in search for a way to refrain it from getting darker again.

We’re just always on the edge aren’t we?

Trying to keep on letting it pass.

 

 

  Colors of life

 

 

Blue is the new color

As colorful as the sky

Is the feeling of passion

As endless to the core

Let them see it

 

Red is the color of hatred

Too mixed to have only one truth

Filled with situations beyond control

Dragging them to dream of achieving it

Let them feel it

 

Then as darkness joins the fray

All gets blacker, mind and all

Worlds start shifting, people start drifting

Leaving indifferent nothingness

Let them escape it.

 

Then is the one that’s divine

Takes them towards enlightenment

Until you have to come back

Feeling brighter, a torched up soul

Let them embrace it

 

 

What about violet then?

It feels lonely apart from funny

It wonders about “potted violet”

Similarly do we even feel orange?

Just like we heat red’s glory

Things are made to be as they seem

The truth is colorless and silent

but its implications have multiple

and the truth is there are many

but all aren’t understood

All these colors that do mean

All of them that don’t

Let them know it

 

A world simply entwined by description

Feelings having reference of sight

A world governed by many styles

many more than you will give credit for

 

 

What if

What if what is right is actually wrong and what is beyond wrong is actually right?

What if what is, is not it and when we die we wake up? Yes! What if what we see and feel right now is just an illusion, an illusion which keeps us from seeing the truth as it is. What if all the flash of colours, the innumerable rainbows, even those sudden matching t-shirts. All of them, what if one day when you close your eyes and stop, suddenly you open them and see that what was wasn’t anything and what is, is something that would make you feel shocked or in other words complicated. That’s just the subtle way of putting it.

But….but but let us say this world, this truth or let’s just say “this figment of imagination which we right now cannot imagine which also can deny most if not all of what already exists, is a happy one.”

Now you might be wondering that what am I saying? Now what if what we’re saying right now, what we’re thinking or going to think is just part of a program that keeps us going in this particular sequence. This particular order of events, all the numerous possibilities which our steps can result to as well as all the steps that are possible then become fixed.

That moment when you realize that they keep on coming, the innumerable thoughts, is the moment you begin to question the concept of right and wrong. Random thoughts, specific thoughts, implicated thoughts, obvious thoughts,swaying thoughts. Thoughts, thoughts and thoughts. These thoughts are that which make you think of a question and what makes you think of which question to think about.

That’s exactly how you question “what if” regarding anything and everything that happened and is going to happen.

So what if all of this is all false? The truth is not the truth. The lie is something apart from a lie. What if what a lie means isn’t what it actually means?

What if….