A SATISFACTORY SOLUTION

The one thing I never get but I want it so badly is satisfaction. Hearing what you’ve always wanted to say out loud must have given you a grave satisfaction? To be honest, getting it is quite easy. So easy that it’s just hard to understand how it really works. Basically tell yourself that whatever it is, it makes you feel positive. Whatever people say, think that it makes you feel good. Tell yourself things that a movie usually tells you. The indirect hints and taunts the last movie gave you can be taken as compliments. The learnings should be taken as a perfect gain from the sudden occasions.

It’s very simple. Take every occasion with open arms and welcome the goodness of every single one of them. You got to take in the melons no matter how sour they are. You have to give yourself an excuse to believe you’re satisfied, no matter what it might be. It can be anything. Heck! The people might question your personality because of the nature of the excuses but at the end of the day they will also judge you based on how the outcomes of your life are treating you.

Some of us are such that others make fun of us, secretly dislike us and even defame us. Some are victims of some really harsh behavior. For most harsh would be just a way to put it from their point of view. Mental torment is bigger than it looks but like just about any other form differs from person to person in terms of how much is needed to make the break.

The thing is that there are a lot of things that will disturb you throughout the way. It may be your work, it obviously can be people, or it can be the situation. You really need to tell yourself to press the ignore button, try to fool yourself that there isn’t anything wrong, not with you nor with the other person. Lie to yourself, you’ll feel better because if you know yourself best you’ll know what I’m telling you will work better than trying to fight it the usual way.

The fact of the matter is that we are programmed to want more and are always in search for perfection. It’s either generally that or we just want a situation that treats us best individually. No matter how you explain it, we’re going to keep wanting more.

The blissful thunder that you have inside you is going to have to get used to coming and going on rarer occasions than it used to. You’re going to have to get used to it too. You just have to keep living on. This is going to have to satisfy you for life. That’s how you stay strong. Saying “live with it” doesn’t help, you got to know why. You have to really understand that everything is a test and every single thing you believe is inhumane is not. It’s clearly the opposite and the most important thing you have to carve inside your mind is the fact that no matter what you have to learn to love yourself more. There are going to be times when you’ll need it, your satisfaction will mean it. You will search for someone for moments like those but you’ll have no one but yourself. The heart will ponder and obsess over incredible situations and you’ll satisfy yourself by slowly drowning yourself in forgetfulness.

When it comes to the question of how much you’re worth think of it like this:

You’re the flower not everybody wants to pick. You’re not a rose so whoever picks you is damn sure of what he/she is doing. A lot of blokes are going to take the leap when it comes to the numero uno but everyone’s thought of it before they’ve chosen the lesser favorite option.

No more rants. Keep being who you are. Keep moving forward your own way. Be satisfied being yourself no matter how hard it is. It’s not easy for others to be you, so you’re definitely better at something.

 

 

 

 

An Untitled Feeling

Me: ……Why am I so?

Voice: Maybe because you want it to be so…

Me: …….Why am I so alone? I need someone.

Voice: Are you going to do this every time?

I don’t care! I miss someone. Quite truly I don’t even know who I miss now. Is it that girl who wrecked me? Is it my first ever crush? Is it the one who rejected me last Wednesday? Or is it just the thought of other people having someone really special while I don’t.

Honestly I don’t know.

Trust me. I do want to know. I want to know what it feels like to feel that poison on purpose. No more can I handle the sudden pain that I myself call out from beneath the depths.

It’s a paradoxical bliss. A hypothetical malice created through years of inner suffering. I’ll tell you what this is. It’s a truth that dwells inside us no matter where we are, a somewhat drunk confession. We are alone and crumpled up. We have been pushed back into a corner and are still looking from corner to corner for that light. We will keep on doing that until we find the right path.

Love is so utterly tempting that even your neighbor’s love for her before anyone else makes you writhe with envy. Factual is this that a poor soul cannot survive without an ounce of emotional attention. Honestly the self of the confused mind really seems to preoccupy itself in ways that leaves the other parts completely bored.

I wish I had a better way to explain how much there are just parts of us which just want someone to accept us. Not attention but proper care.

Sometimes I wonder:

              Should I change?

    Or should I just wait, there will come an answer someday?

Anyways perhaps I think too much. Or I just feel much more. Well we all do and that’s the bloody excuse.
The fact is at one point we all just need someone to be there for us. You cannot exactly explain that relationship you suddenly want for times like those but it exists and it does matter. It has a name which cannot be explained, all I know that it’s not the mother I am talking about. It’s a person you need for just those moments in your life. If you have someone for all, he/she covers them too but if you don’t you sometimes just feel the need for a carer during those moments that break you and leave you wounded.

No matter where you are in life, that feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s just you cannot look for someone during that time. That’s somewhat of a problem but then also if you want that person to be a special someone. Happens when laying eyes on someone new. Sometimes even when you try to re-look at those of old. Their smiles and cheerful words suddenly show you something else.

The fights involved in the mutual understanding of this contradicting paradox. It kills but it somehow teaches more in return.