Change is inevitable people say. I don’t know about being inevitable or not but all I know is that it is damn important. However some things don’t change, namely habits. Some habits, like not remembering to clip your toenails or do one’s bed only seem like they are here to stay but they actually do change at some point. There are however some that just don’t no matter how you try such as being good or better yet, kind hearted. Kindness is a very attracting quality and a kind hearted person is usually a person whose drive runs on simplicity. However if you take reality into account, it is also the reverse. Why would someone who takes another person’s interests into account before himself get back something completely opposite? Well that too was my question. Perhaps it’s a lesson that kindness should vary or maybe he needs to stop or just maybe it’s the world telling him he doesn’t know how to exactly be kind. Being kind sometimes seems to almost have written policies when it comes to it’s dealings. Saying that being kind is a curse is actually true because a person cannot ever fully stop being kind. Kindness does not just go away completely, it just goes and sleeps somewhere deep inside. Though perhaps I wish it were one of those habits which could be changed completely. Kindness has a recoil more painful than that of cruelty.
Love is therefore a state that is an ultimate bummer. Once we get into that state we don’t want to take the change at any cost. The heart is a child and it’s needs are always like those of a five year old. The straightforward demand isn’t thought well through, especially when it wants something positive.
True selflessness doesn’t make one a saint, it’s just saying that person wasn’t meant to put himself first. However that doesn’t mean he isn’t putting his thoughts first, or else what would you say is driving all that selflessness? Seeing someone else happy makes him happy, there’s no such thing as a truly selfless person. Even when you’re doing those cute kind acts behind her back, to some extent you really want her to someday find out or else there’s dramatic reaction. Sometimes it takes more than just noticing her every wish while other times it needs a few repetitions of one particular thing.
Out of habit there still isn’t one you could say. The craving for selflessly loving someone or seeing him/her always happy really kills. Almost like a drug. So addictive that no matter what no matter how much it pains, the care, the love doesn’t falter.
I wish the complexity would leave. Then maybe some of the pain, and confusion would go away but it’s developed that habit. Trying to hide isn’t working if nothing else. Being so kind is a gift which doesn’t give much to the self. No matter how you define kindness you got to get something positive back or the vortex will suck you in and keep you there until that person pulls you out.
Sometimes us kind people just want to be butterflies and flutter away and do whatever we want on our own and for only ourselves but we’re in a weird cocoon unable to grow out of it.