Emptiness. A blank mind wandering from dusk till dawn while driving out emotions. Emotion bearing hunger, hundreds of thousands of declining thoughts.
“I don’t know”
“Why don’t I know?”
“I wish to know! I want to find myself”
The future of that person starts now, with the dry feeling in his throat. The thought is the start and with that begins every other emotional situation.
“And I still do not know”
Perhaps the endless emotion situation is lucky to be there, it helps me know something at least. Or else I would know nothing.
It is this situation that teaches me sadness, it teaches us fear. The fear of losing someone else.
Destruction is so creative, it calms us before bringing the storm. Makes us numb enough so the drug finds it easier.
The tension makes me feel heavy, makes me want to eat, sleep………. and sometimes smoke.
I do not like the feeling, it makes me vulnerable. It makes me weak and leaves me lesser than myself.
The emptiness leaves the mind so closed that sometimes one wishes he could go to sleep and wake up in another life.
The idiocy boosts the adrenaline and increases the pressure on the brain. The pulse increases, hope decreases.
“Kill me now. Someone, please.”
I am not going to cry, fall into the void of emotions. Sometimes emptiness actually helps. The pain of the calm is better than that of the mental degradation.
Sharing it makes it even more remarkable at times, you just don’t know what to say and how to say it sometimes. It’s basically place you can’t describe, one of those ultimate things you can’t fully describe. Others have to experience by themselves. And it doesn’t help at all, you’re just telling someone “hey so this is me right now, and that’s how it is with me like most of the time” and he’s like “Oh yeah uh huh uh huh.”
It happens again though and they are there but it doesn’t really make it easier. Thoughts themselves are a bloody paradox. Emptiness helps hence but like everything, it’s torture is just less painful.